Bhad Bhabie is a Florida-based rapper who first blew up in late 2016 with an appearance on Dr. Phil that spawned the very viral meme catchphrase “cash me ousside, how bow dah?,” which led to her becoming the theme of a very viral dance song and earning her the nickname, “The ‘Cash Me Ousside’ Girl.” Apparently, she ended up using this meme success to begin a music career, because our constant use of this rambunctious girl’s viral catchphrase served as enablement and helped her build a following to support her music. Surprisingly enough, her music actually saw some decent success, with singles like “These Heaux,” “Hi Bich” and “Gucci Flip Flops” making their way onto the Billboard Hot 100. I know, I sometimes question how we got to this point as well.
Now, I know, some of you are all ready to give me the what for because I’m even daring to go near this thing. And I know what you’re thinking, I’m supporting a spoiled, angry, 15-year-old girl that’s had to battle back from an arrest (yes, at 13-14 years old, she was arrested for grand theft and marijuana possession) AND battle back from accusations of being a “culture vulture," so I get it: you guys are wondering why I’m enabling someone like this. Well, I’m not gonna lie, part of me is doing this because I’m a glutton for punishment, but also because I feel like Danielle has grown at least a little tiny bit as a person based on some of the recent videos I’ve seen from her, and I’m willing to give second chances. That, and even though this mixtape is 15 songs, it is lined with some big features like Lil Baby, Lil Yachty, YG, and Ty Dolla $ign, so there’s at least a chance it’s doing something decently. Let’s see if that’s the case:
15 (Intro): Danielle starts off the song by talking about how her 15 minutes have lasted longer than she expected (you know, because Cardi B didn’t talk about this already), and she does this over a very minimal, very basic trap drum beat. It’s honestly kinda stale, Danielle’s performance makes her sound like she’s trying too much to sound like a hard-ass, and I can tell lyricism isn’t her strong suit. Danielle, you wanted me to name just ONE rapper that’s better than you? Well, uh…I have a list. Denzel Curry, Pusha T, Eminem, Travis Scott…Dolly Parton...Betty White...probably Estelle Harris...did you want me to keep going?
Juice (feat. YG): Danielle talks about her “rags-to-riches” story on this track, once again doing so over some very basic, overdone trap production and click-clack percussion. Danielle’s performance once again sounds silly to me, as it just screams “15-year-old trying to sound cooler than she actually is,” and the hook doesn’t stick whatsoever either. Hell, I had some hope that YG would help save this one, but he does next to nothing of interest and it feels like he just fades into the background. I’m sure this could be a good track for children who want to seem cooler and harder than they actually are, but otherwise, I can’t take this seriously.
Gucci Flip Flops (feat. Lil Yachty): One of Danielle’s biggest singles, this is your standard trap flex song. Only difference is that it’s got a 15-year-old girl leading it, and Lil Yachty comes in for some reason. Honestly, the hook on this one just gets really grating after a while, Danielle’s vocal performance doesn’t come off as interesting to me (it again just kinda makes me giggle), the trap drums and murky keys are very generic, and I don’t find Yachty’s verse all that enticing either. I honestly just find it a bit weird that he’s talking about “fucking bitches” on a track with a 15-year-old girl. I know, he’s not talking ABOUT the 15-year-old girl, but…it’s still creepy.
Affiliated (feat. Asian Doll): Okay, I actually liked the way this one started with some of the more bright keys and energetic production…and then Asian Doll started rapping on the hook and my ears screamed “STOP!!!!!” Beyond her voice being even more grating than Danielle’s, she literally sounds like everything else out there. I actually kinda wondered if she was trying to be a female Kodak Black, and if that was the case…that’s not something you should be trying. I also find it weird that Danielle is talking all about how she “graduated from the streets” at 15, and again trying to make herself sound tougher. But you know what was the worst part? When both of them started rapping together. I was about two seconds away from having my ears literally bleed. And then when they ad-lib on the outro, it honestly sounds like listening to two very loud, annoying grandmas speak to each other. Yeah, that bad.
Geek’d (feat. Lil Baby): Once again, Danielle tries to be a bit more confident here by basically telling listeners not to mess with her because she will not be afraid to fight you. I wouldn’t be shocked if she’s talking to that Woah Vicky girl she got in a fight with before. But regardless of who she’s talking to, her song still sounds like wallpaper trap music. Again, very dark, murky, emotionless keys, a grating vocal performance that tries to make Danielle seem like a “tough girl,” and a Lil Baby performance that, while not terrible, still sounds creepy for the same reasons that Yachty’s performance did. I didn’t think I would dislike this album THIS much so far…but that’s why you never go into a Bhad Bhabie song or album with expectations, I guess.
No More Love: Ohhhhhhhhh noooooooo, Danielle’s jumping on the auto-croon bandwagon, too? Jesus. Well, it’s not as bad as when 6ix9ine did it, but it's hard to be that bad. Still, Danielle’s vocals aren’t really all that great, and the huge amounts of autotune they drowned her in don’t do much to help her either. The trap production tries to go for a sad sound, with Danielle trying to talk about a guy that she has no more love for, but honestly, it’s just dull. It’s background noise, honestly. It really doesn’t leave a lasting impression at all, it’s just white noise.
Clout Drop: An under 2-minute song that tries to take on another dark, murky feel, Danielle talks on here about how she’s not messing around with people that are chasing clout. Admittedly, I think her more rapid-fire flow on this one is actually interesting enough to keep this song from being one of the album’s worsts, but it’s just a shame it sounds like so many of the other songs on here. It feels like Danielle is settling for this very one-dimensional sound in her music, and it’s honestly not all that distinct from many others in the current wave of SoundCloud rap. And again, the length makes the song feel pretty damn unfulfilling in the end. Not one of the album’s worst, but it’s not very good.
Yung and Bhad (feat. City Girls): Do I really have to say it? This one sounds almost the exact same as the other songs on this tape. I almost couldn't tell that this was a different song. And yeah, she still has the rapid-fire flow here, but it honestly feels tiring already, and it’s not enough to have rapid-fire flow when your production is so generic and overdone. And City Girls, why? You just helped Drake make “In My Feelings,” which is a hit and a good song. Why are you reducing yourself to this mess? Ughhhhhh, let’s just move on with this thing.
Bhad Bhabie & Jack $hirak: Oh. My. God. Literally, it sounds like almost the exact same thing! Who is Danielle having a competition with on this one? And what were the terms? “Whoever makes the most generic, one-note mixtape wins?” Well, congrats, Danielle, you have won. 1st place. Still got a way to go until you dethrone the supreme champion NAV, but sooner or later, you can do it. In all seriousness, it just feels like Danielle giving us the same flow, the same dark, sinister but still one-note production, and a hook that hardly does anything to “hook.” Next song, please. I just want to be done with this.
Famous: *falls off of bed and slips into madness* Bhad Bhabie, why? What did I do to deserve this asinine music? What did I do to deserve these wallpaper trap songs, cringe-y vocal performances, and lackluster hooks? And why are you again trying to croon at points of this one? Honestly, I don’t even care that you’re famous at this point, congratulations kiddo, you made it. I just care that you use that fame to put out quality music, but it doesn’t sound like that’s happening here. It just sounds like everything coming out of your mouth is the same, and everything your producers make is the same. Is it that difficult to try something different? Hm?
Hi Bich: Okay, this is a little bit of a reprieve. One of the big singles that Danielle dropped way before the release of this tape, I have a feeling this made it onto the tape because of it being her highest-charting single yet. Honestly, I’ll take it over “These Heaux.” Simple as the song’s production and structure, it’s actually oddly catchy and it’s got a pretty fun hook as well. Danielle claps back at the haters on this one, and while some of it may come off as goofy (especially some of the lyrics on the hook), it’s actually a little more fun than most of the songs on the album. Danielle’s verses aren’t quite as strong as said hook, and I don’t want to come back to this at all in the future, but it’s definitely better than anything else this album has offered so far.
Shhh: *curls up in the corner and rocks back at forth* Danielle…tells people to “shhh” on this, but…why doesn’t she take her own advice? *snaps out of madness for a second* Okay, but seriously, Danielle just sounds like every other trap artist on this one, with a basic trap drum beat, very same-y dark production, a completely laughable and goofy hook, and another super cringe-y vocal performance. I just want this to be done already. I tried to defend Danielle, but why do all of her songs just sound the same? Please, just end this.
Trust Me (feat. Ty Dolla $ign): Ty, man, what the hell were you on to get on this one? Do you hear Danielle’s auto-croon vocals? They’re not very good! Look, I respect that Danielle is trying to go for a more emotional, lovely song here with brighter, more moody production, but I feel like even with autotune, she just doesn’t have the vocal chops to make this one work. Really, what stops this from being one of the album’s worst is that Ty actually comes in and gives it his all with a nice performance. Otherwise, this is one that merely shows me that Danielle needs some work vocally if she wants to make this emotional angle work.
Bout That: Oh, and right after she goes down the emotional route, she’s back to wanting to fight people. Man, kids these days just never know if they want to fall in love or get in a fight. And I knew I was in for a bad time with this one when it started with Danielle laughing. Jesus, if you’re a film director and you need someone with a really creepy laugh to play your villain, just cast Bhad Bhabie. Just don’t ask her to make the movie’s soundtrack, because if it’s anything like this song, it’s gonna have really basic, one-note production, cringe-y vocals, and a complete mess of a hook. Hey, at least there’s only one song left.
Bhad Bhabie Story (Outro): A nearly 7-minute song by Bhad Bhabie? Honestly, terrified. And to be real, I don’t care if this is supposed to be a more raw, emotional track and Danielle is supposed to be telling her very personal life story, this honestly just feels like the silliest way to spill your life. Like, this whole “conversational” thing just feels so silly and not at all enticing. And honestly, hearing a 15-year-old talk to me about how she smoked and “finessed people for money” really isn’t interesting whatsoever, it just feels silly and it makes me want to tell every parent in the world to control their damn child. And again, at almost 7 minutes, this just goes on WAY, WAY, WAYYYYYYYY too long. Just end already, please.
Oh Lord, yeah, this was awful. I tried to go into this thing thinking that Bhad Bhabie would actually come through with something somewhat interesting, but as I said a bunch of times, she just felt like she was trying to repeat herself too much. Already doesn’t help that she’s a 15-year-old who’s trying to put on the “tough” persona to seem cool, and then she comes through with these really cringe-y vocal performances as well. And the beats, too! Literally, all of them just sound the exact same! You know what, I’m just gonna end this before I go completely bonkers because I feel like I’m repeating myself too much and you guys already get the point. Plus, if I continue talking about this mixtape any longer, I’m just gonna end up making myself sick. So, let’s just end it here. It sucks. Don’t listen to it. Bye.
Favorite tracks: Yeahhhhhhhh, no.
Least favorite tracks: 15 (Intro), Juice, Gucci Flip Flops, Affiliated, Geek’d, No More Love, Yung and Bhad, Bhad Bhabie & Jack $hirak, Famous, Shhh, Bout That, Bhad Bhabie Story (Outro)
Rating: Awful
No comments:
Post a Comment